Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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