wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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