Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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