Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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