I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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