i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
