Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
