Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
