I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
