final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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