I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I just googled if crying burns calories
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
