so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
