why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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