The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
