miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize