New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
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By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.