sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"