I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead