is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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