We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Damn victory sex feels great
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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