So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
