yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
