i think my tv is drunk
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
