Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
