best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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