He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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