I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
