I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
