I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
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How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize