I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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