so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
These tits shall not be calmed
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
