if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Randomize
