I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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