Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
