I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
