I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize