I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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