just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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