I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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