I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
