I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
