Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
