just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You ruined the universe
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
