now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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