I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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