is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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