Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
false alarm, still single
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