That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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