Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
