I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
