I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
