He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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