it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
