best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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