so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Acid is not a monday night drug
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
