You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
