I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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