Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
