is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
