the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
