How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
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