Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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