so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
