There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
