i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
