Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
