she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
