i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
