overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
you made out with another girl for some wings
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
