Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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