Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
